Finding The Missing Piece (1/3): What Do You Desire?

“What you desire on the deepest level, tells you of who you really are”

Sr. Bubbles Bandojo, RC

We are all made up of different parts and pieces. Some pieces may be broken, and some may have gotten unbreakable through time. Each piece is an important part to complete the whole. 

We sometimes ask these questions: 
“Why do I feel like there’s something missing?”
“What is my purpose in life?”
“How do I go about finding it?” 
“I think I already found it, what should I do next?”

Friends, I assure you that you’re not the only one thinking about these things. Finding the missing piece is a journey that’s worth taking. I hope to at least be a humble guide who can point you in the right direction by sharing what I know. 

Journey with me in three parts in finding our missing piece. Let’s go right in.

What Do You Desire?

When something goes missing our first instinct is to try finding it. It’s easy to start a search when we can describe what we are looking for. If it’s a pen, we can search an area for a particular brand, model, and tint color. Without any description, it’s not so easy to look for something missing.

I’ve come across many people, including myself, feeling that their life seems to be meaningless and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Most of them have stable jobs and income, and yet they feel stuck. It was hard for them to find their missing piece because it is not something they can fully describe. Sometimes, they don’t even know that it’s already in front of them.

Some may have it all figured out already. Part of our missing piece can be found in pleasurable experiences. “When I get a taste of that special ramen from Japan, my life will be complete.” Or it can be expressed in our dying wish. ”If I could only talk to my daughter again and ask for her forgiveness, I can go peacefully.” Our missing piece can be anything and they are different for each individual. 

But where do we look? The piece that we are looking for can be found in our deepest and truest desires. When we live out our desires with a sound mind, we find a sense of purpose and direction. I say with a sound mind because we have to be able to discern which particular desires will serve us into becoming who we want to be.

So, what is it that you desire?

For some, this is an easy question. The majority gets stumped by this because they have been so busy living their lives not realizing that they’re leaving their desires behind. Right now I invite you to set your inhibitions aside and take the center stage.

Set a fire in your soul

Awaken Your Desires

We will go through an activity to help guide us and awaken our desires. I encourage you to do this in a reflective mood, without any distractions.

Guidelines:

  • Get yourself a pen or open a notepad.
  • Click the play button and jot down as many answers as you can until the music stops.
  • Proceed to the next question and do the same.

Are you ready? take a deep breath. 

What do you LIKE

What do you WANT

What do you DREAM

What do you DESIRE

I am sure you have written down many things. Keep your answers so you can ponder about them later.

You would notice that even if the words above are synonymous, the depth of their meaning also progressed. Likewise, the things you have written may have also progressed in depth and some of the items you wrote may have funneled out. The way we write our answers gets deeper as we progress toward the word “desire.”

Our desires may change over time. What we desire now can even give birth to another desire as we begin to journey along where our desires are pointing. The journey with desire has three movements.


3 Movements of Desire

Honor your desires
1) Acknowledge

Your desires are part and parcel of who you are. Let them surface without judgment. Sometimes we tend to suppress our own desires because we are ashamed of them or we have lost hope in them for they seem so impossible to reach. Desires are anchored to your values. Recognize and honor your desires.

I hope the previous exercise helped you remember and acknowledge your desires. Maybe you listed down some of your closely held dreams since childhood. Like a child, allow yourself to wildly desire for something again without any self-doubt and certain that it will happen at the perfect time. Also, maybe your desires have changed since you were a kid. Look at the difference between your desires then, and your desires now. Did your desires become more meaningful or have you given up on them?

Electricity. Which of your desires is your strongest desire? Which one, when you think about it gives you goosebumps and the feeling of electricity running through your veins? Which desire ignites a blazing fire in your heart? Is it only one desire or a combination of many?

Being able to live out the desires that give us life and electricity makes us free, they make us fly. These electric desires can point us to where God wants us to be, and what desires for us to become. Feel the electricity.

Let it take root
2) Desire It

Now that your electric desires are known. The next movement is for you to desire it more.

Let your desires deepen its roots. To strengthen your desire you need to test it. Is this something I deeply and truly want? Will this desire lead me to a future where I will be at peace and happy? Is this desire truly mine or just brought about by peer pressure? Does this desire deepen my love for myself and others? Desire your desires.

Pray for your desires and see what more you can discover about them. 

Do not worry if you still haven’t figured out your desires. It’s not a race. Maybe that’s where you need to start – to have the desire to desire.

As our desires take root and lead us deeper, you would notice them bearing fruits. Fruits that bless you and the people around you. The stronger and deeper the roots are, the harder it is for your desires to be toppled down by other people.

With our desires taking root, there is one movement left that we need it to go through. It’s the most difficult one. Letting the desire go.

Will you be able to let go?
3) Let it go

I know, I just told you guys to acknowledge and deepen your desires and work on them. Now I’m telling you the famous words of St. Elsa of ArendelleLet it go.

Let it go.

Our desires lead us to a destination. A destination that we can picture out in detail. If you desire to get married, you have probably imagined yourself at the altar tying the knot. If you desire to have kids, you can envision yourself carrying a baby in your arms with your spouse. If you desire to become the CEO of the company, you may have daydreamed about going up the ranks and successfully making it on top.

We should be prepared to let go of our desires.

We should not be too attached to it especially if it’s not giving you peace.

I have a friend who once went inside a novitiate following a vocation to become a Jesuit. He was so sure that this is what he wanted for his life. While inside, he was having trouble in his discernment a couple of years in. One night he fervently prayed for God to tell him if it’s his will to become a Jesuit. In his heart, God told him – “Is this what YOU really want? You can put it down.”

One of the hardest things to do in life is to let go of what you hold precious in your heart. Especially letting go of things that you have been fighting and working so hard for. My friend put his desire for pursuing his vocation down and ended up blessing many people by serving as their spiritual companion. Letting go of his deepest desire made way for an even better one.

Let go and know that what’s meant for you will stay and work out for your own good.

Does your deepest desire truly complete you? Does it lead you to peace? Does it bring you closer or away from God? Let it go.

Reflect

These are the three movements of desire. It’s a lot to take in and unpack but I will let you do that in your own time.

Your desires are real and important. Honor them, make them grow, and when the time comes, let it go. Your desires will lead you to your truth and you’ll begin to uncover your life’s greatest treasures. 

I pray that you keep nurturing your healthy desires.

Thank you so much for reading until the end. You did such good work on yourself. Sending a virtual pat on the back!

Keep safe my friends.

I’m interested to hear your thoughts about the first part of “finding the missing piece”. Comment below your insights, realizations, questions, or anything that crossed your mind in this post. Click follow to get notified when part 2 and other content is up. 


Sound Credits:

A Quiet Thought | Wayne Jones | https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary_…)

Watercolor Lilies | Aaron Kenny | https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary_…

Falling Snow | Aakash Gandhi | https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary_…)

Anton | Dan Bodan | https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary_…)

Image Credits:

Photo by Patrick Hendry on Unsplash

Photo by Alexis Fauvet on Unsplash

Rainbow-Trees2 | JAMES RONAN, FOAP/GETTY IMAGES

Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash


WANTED: Hiding Expert (Bonus: Being Found)

“Five – four – three – two – ONE! Ready or not HERE I COME!” and the epic game of hide and seek starts.

Ha! They won’t find me here! I told myself, knowing I have hidden so well not being able to hear the seeker’s suspenseful countdown.

When we were still kids, my parents would usually take me and my sister to their office during the summer and enlist us in workshops. The office grounds where they worked were so HUGE that it became a playground for a group of hyperactive kids to play in. The perfect place for a competitive game of hide-and-seek.

Finding a hiding place was easy. I just sped off from the rest of the group’s usual spots and settled in a cold, yet surprisingly cozy corner in an unfamiliar part of the building. It didn’t occur to me that I have already wandered too far from the group and ended up getting lost. 

From feeling so proud of myself for being able to hide so well, worry started to creep in as I sat in the corner, watching the sun start to set, waiting for the seeker to find me. Suddenly, a playful game of hide-and-seek became a serious case of finding the missing child!

My sister and my mom formed a search party and eventually, after a few minutes of searching (from their version of the story), they found me! I didn’t know what to say but I couldn’t contain my relief and gladness as I felt tears run down my face. My mom and sister were relieved as well. It was a moment of joy filled with fireworks and celebration. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you! We finally found you! Come here!”

Are You A Hiding Expert?

It’s fun to play hide and seek especially when you’re the one who goes off hiding. It’s easy and the thrill of finding that perfect hiding spot would just drive you over the edge. However, it would really really suck if no one ever found you – like what happened to me.

We also do a lot of hiding in our lives. We hide for many reasons but I think it can be summed into two- fear and shame. We are afraid of what will happen next and shameful of what will be exposed when we finally decide to fully reveal ourselves to other people. 

Some may have hidden themselves so much that they have become experts at it.If there would be a job ad for being a Hiding Expert many would fight over it!

Job Title: Hiding Expert
Job Description:

  • Amenable to a vague work schedule and always on call
  • Ability to prove you’re OK (even if you’re clearly not) in front of others
  • Can say “yes” even if you mean “no”
  • Can fake a smile the whole day or when needed
  • Can overthink one million “things I could have done but didn’t” scenarios vividly in your head
  • Can mysteriously disappear from friends and/or family members in times of great stress
  • Can suppress real feelings especially when sad and/or heartbroken      (Efficient in multitasking being cheerful and being sad)
  • Can hold off tears and deny feelings until you get home
    (Advantage If you can silently weep in the bathroom and come out like nothing happened)
  • Has an “I can do this on my own” mixed with an “I don’t want to be a burden to other people” attitude in dealing with struggle

This job description can go on! Think you fit right in? You’re hired! Hahaha!

This would be the opening spiel of your manager on your first day.

“Welcome to Hiding Experts Co. where you will not “see” anyone even if they’re actually there. Here, you get compensated by getting more reasons to hide and you also get a personal hiding cave on your tenure. Hide and go hide!” 

I have actually done a lot of hiding myself. I’ve had those days where I needed to suck it up even if things are already going downhill. Hiding isn’t wholly a negative thing. There will be times that it is necessary to pull back. It’s ok to hide sometimes but do not stay in your hiding place. The more you keep yourself hidden, the more difficult it is for you to be found.

Ready Or Not Here You Come!

Hiding is easy to do. You just put on an impenetrable mask, stay silent, and fade away. If you did it correctly, no one would notice. You disappear. People would not be able to see the tears you cried at night. People would not be able to hear your opinions, and ideas that can bring good change. Your loved ones would not get to feel your presence and love. No one will ever know how you truly feel about them or if you ever really cared.

Hiding can be a way of coping. What we try to hide behind an impenetrable mask will eventually want to come out one way or another. All that we have suppressed gets stronger and will surface in forms that we would have never expected. That’s why some have sudden emotional outbursts or do things they don’t normally do. It’s our body’s way of releasing pent-up emotions.

A step towards un-hiding is removing your mask. 

Even if you only remove a little part, you will begin to see more of yourself and people will see more of you. Removing your mask is you accepting who you are underneath. Being real with the good, the bad and the ugly and seeing them as gifts that complete a part of the whole. Removing your mask means loving yourself and giving what you do, feel, and say value.

Don’t wait for someone to come find you and take your mask off. Only you can do it. No one will see the real you unless you see your real self first.

Meet yourself where you are, as you are. All of your pieces matter even the ones you try to hide. You know all of their hiding places, and where they all hurt. Your hiding places tells you where you need healing.

Getting yourself out from hiding can be a long process. It will also take a lot of courage to put yourself out in the light to be seen. We are not meant to live our lives in hiding, we all have a need to be seen and to be experienced by others. Don’t dim your light, the world needs the kind of light that only you can shine. 

Bonus: Being Found

I am a hiding expert. I’m the CEO of my own Hiding Experts Co.

Though I may not fully look like it in person, I have hidden so many things about myself from other people. I’ve had many times where I regretted not saying what I truly felt to people I love for fear of being misunderstood or rejected. I’ve had many occasions where people walked over me and opportunities passed me by because I thought my ideas and opinions were inferior. I’ve had a long season where I thought that I wasn’t lovable and unworthy of love.

Since those days I have worked hard to be more at home to myself and remove layers off my mask. 

As the layers came off something amazing was revealed. I now see a person who’s not perfect but tries hard to become better each day. I now see a person who shines and gives light to others who need it. I see a person who has gotten crushed, broken, and bruised but chose to never give up and stand up again. 

When you are revealed to yourself and open up, people around you will see you too. Many will see and appreciate the gifts that only you can give the world. You may not know it but the light you give others can change their life. Your light may have reached their hiding place and saw that it’s better to be true to themselves and shine their light. 

It’s easier to hide these days especially if you’re required to be on quarantine. Only a few more months and the year 2020 is almost over. If you’re hiding something big or small that’s weighing down, I encourage you to unmask it, maybe it’s demanding to be expressed. And if you’re already shining your light for the world to see, keep it shining, have faith –  it’s working! 

I hold my light out for everyone who reads this today. This article wasn’t easy to write for me because it made me feel more vulnerable than I expected. I just had this crazy urge to keep on writing it, maybe someone out there needs it. 

We are all made to shine.
Keep safe and God bless!


Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

Photo by John Noonan on Unsplash


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